Did you know reciprocity can change your communication style?

There are so many different ways we communicate with one another, and even the style of communication matters. Some people naturally relate to others by simply broadcasting their own stuff, sending images, sharing everything on their mind, or simply info dumping until there's a sense of relief. Other people might simply focus on talking about themselves, not always out of selfishness, but because they may never have learned the habit of asking questions or reflecting back. Some others may not engage with curiosity as often and may pause and receive information but then don't respond. There are so many ways we have learned to communicate and interact, and some people just seem to click with others depending on if their communication styles match.

But...

What if communication style wasn't fixed?

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever shared something with someone else and felt completely ignored? Or ghosted? Or felt like someone could only focus on themselves? Maybe you felt dismissed, misunderstood, or like something wasn't hitting. Perhaps you met someone and everything just clicked. You might think, "Yes! Finally someone who gets me!"

What is behind that feeling of "clicking" with someone who just seems to get us? There's something interesting I've learned about communication styles, and it's not always that people have bad intentions or are that self-focused. Communication styles are more like default settings, not necessarily a permanent identity that can be shaped by our culture and society. Trauma can also really impact how we communicate especially if someone has been put down so much that they feel unsafe to really connect with someone else fully.

However, there is an important nuance that will save a lot of frustration once you see it and it's simply the idea that

practicing reciprocity can actually change your communication style.

It's super interesting to see what happens to conversations once people step back and practice mutual listening and curiosity, and these are skills that we all can practice regardless of what we've learned about connecting with others or what we've experienced from others.

Reciprocity in communication is something that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. Something really sweet happens when someone opens with more willingness and awareness in conversation.

Here's some examples of what this can look like in practice...

When actively practicing reciprocity, one might:

• notice if they are dominating a conversation

• pause and make space for others to listen

• ask questions naturally instead of forcing it

• actually receive what is being shared, not just waiting to respond

Over time, practicing these skills completely rewires communication habits, and people may notice a shift in themselves and how connection deepens with more room for understanding. Engaging in reciprocity can reshape how people show up.

The part that I think many people miss out on is that they may not be aware or ready to shift their communication style, and this can be where a lot of friction occurs. Some people don't notice the imbalance in conversation, don't feel discomfort about it, or don't value that kind of connection deeply enough to change. Without that internal awareness, reciprocity and a mutual communication style don't "stick" with people even when they're exposed to it.

The important thing to understand is that you can't force anyone to change, but you can invite them into a more reciprocal dynamic. As long as you're not the one trying to do reciprocity for both of you, this can be a very beautiful way to begin to interact with others where conversation is less frustrating or one-directional, and both people are embodying the connection mutually.

An encouraging aspect of this process is that when you start to engage in reciprocity and encourage others to open up differently, listen attentively, reflect back, relate, care about mutual exchange, or simply be more present and connected, it gradually shapes and positively impacts people. It can be frustrating, like talking to a wall, when individuals lack the natural skills to question, reflect, or remain curious, but shaming and forcing won't bring these qualities out. The frustration is valid and entirely understandable, especially for those who recognize and appreciate how this difference in reciprocal communication can be so healing and beautiful.

I've carried these practices of reciprocity with me pretty much all my life, and they have had a huge impact on my own communication style and how I engage with people. Some days I get frustrated and feel like people just don't "get it," and other days I've met people who have looked me back in the eye, stayed present, and connected in the most wholehearted way. I always look forward to those interactions and try to be patient with those who haven't had the privilege of experiencing true reciprocity in communication.

So yes, people have different communication styles, but they can absolutely change through practice. You don't have to wait for someone to evolve to decide if they're a match for you, but I do find something magical happens when we continue to practice reciprocity in communication for ourselves because I think as a society we have forgotten how good it can feel. It can feel so good when someone can acknowledge us and share at the same time, ask some questions, or show moments of awareness.

There's something deeply healing about relationships that meet in mutuality, and I think we often do get glimmers of it from time to time. Even if we choose to practice it ourselves, I think that quiet invitation to others eventually may land somewhere. And when it does? I think it creates an opening where those healing connections naturally happen and reciprocity emerges. Where we begin to remember what it feels like to understand one another more fully.

What about you? Have you been frustrated with other people's communication styles? Have you noticed when you've practiced reciprocity in conversation before? How did it help you?

Share your thoughts below!

as always ...

With much love,

-Angela Becker